Siberia (3/10)

by Tony Medley

Runtime 104 minutes

R

Here’s a movie that has no raison d’être that I can determine, just 104 minutes of nonsense. Directed by Matthew Ross and script by Scott B. Smith adapted from the novel The Burnt Orange Heresy, Lucas (Keanu Reeves) is a diamond merchant who is in St. Petersburg to sell some rare diamonds to a Russian mobster, Boris Volkov (Pasha Lynchnikoff, who gives a good performance).

He’s got a partner, he can never find so he flits off to Siberia to try to find him and get the diamonds (he only has one of 12). There he meets Katya (Ana Ularu) and he gets involved in a sexual relationship. I can’t really call it romantic because the love making doesn’t look very romantic to me; no kissing or caressing or holding hands or anything else normally associated with romance; it’s basically just rutting like horses do in the pasture. I'm not sure why Hollywood insists on putting these scenes in movies, but I wish they'd stop.

But Katya clearly is enthralled. She somehow gets involved in a party or celebration Boris is having with Lucas. It’s never explained how she shows up. He leaves her in a hotel room and says he’ll be back in two hours and the next thing there she is all dolled up knocking on the door where Lucas and Boris are celebrating. Things go downhill there, fast.

The first hour is slow, almost interminable. Finally we get to the small plot, but it’s certainly not enough for a feature motion picture.