Joe Retaliation (5/10)
another of those action movies that seem to be aimed solely at people
who like to sit around and waste their time playing video games hour
after hour. In fact, G.I. Joe was created by the toy company Hasbro as a
line of action figures. The figures were adapted to video games
beginning in 1983. A new game was created to coincide with the release
of the first movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra in 2009.
As might be expected, this sequel is full of totally mindless,
idiotic, incredible scenes where bullets are sprayed like water, yet
rarely does a hero get scratched. The two big-name stars are Duane
Johnson and Bruce Willis. Johnson is back to his ďThe RockĒ persona, and
moreís the pity. Because the film was on the shelf for an extended
period (see below), Johnson looks a lot buffer than he does today.
Bruce, he has been done in by the success of the Die Hard series
where one man takes on impossible odds and prevails. I know that there
is a lot of money in junk like this, but it should be limited to people
who canít act. Both Willis and Johnson are good performers with range
beyond that required of action heroes. They put in their time with this
stuff, now itís time to move on, although Willis is getting a little
long in the tooth. Johnson, however could have a rewarding career in
front of him, and by rewarding I donít mean just financially but
professionally. He has to decide whether he would rather be Paul Newman
youíre not into cartoon figures and video games (Iím not) itís a little
difficult to determine the good guys from the bad guys at the outset,
although I suspected that one guy who looked like he might be a good guy
was, in reality, a well-established bad guy.
scenes are nothing if not ludicrous. The fights are ridiculous. The
story is something about a bad guy who takes over the US government and
has a fiendish plan for the rest of the world. Itís up to the three G.I.
Joes left in the world to save the world. The way they do it is
incomprehensible and absurd, but thatís what you get when you pay your
money for a movie like this.
really awful about this and others of its ilk is that the solutions,
scenes, and resolutions defy any explanation. The filmmakers just make
something happen that couldnít possibly happen. Just as a for instance,
in this thing, three men are imprisoned in a capsule containing a liquid
solution that puts them, paralyzed, in suspended animation. Suddenly one
of them breaks out and frees the other two. It is absolutely impossible
for this to happen and it is not explained how he does it. But he had to
get out of the capsule or the movie wouldnít move forward, so, viola!
out he comes! This type of thing happens time and again in this movie.
film was scheduled to be released in June, 2012, but when Paramount
received dismal feedback from screenings it was yanked for some
reshoots, apparently to build up the role of Tatum Channing who dies at
the outset. But he still dies at the outset and itís still
that said, the 3-D (which was added after the release was delayed) is
spectacular. The film might be worth seeing for the CGI-created stunts
and the 3-D. But I wish theyíd stop making frivolous nonsense like this.