This version of
Charlie’s Angels comes closer to being among the worst movies I’ve ever
seen than I had ever expected, even though I had seen the dismal trailer.
This thing is pure
garbage. It is replete with
mindless violence without consequence.
There is no plot. The acting is non-existent.
I’ve never bought into the Cameron Diaz myth (that she could act).
This thing validates it. She’s
a smile without substance. The jury was out, as far as I was concerned, on
Drew Barrymore. If she can act,
she hides it here. I have no
idea who Lucy Liu is (yes, I saw Chicago, and I missed her) but if this is
an example, I needn’t worry about putting her in my mind’s Rolodex.
But, to be fair, these three actresses are victimized by the writing
Directing? Well, nothing need
be said about the script because it must have been the result of sitting
5,000 kindergarteners at computers. Like
the proverbial monkey who could end up writing Hamlet, one of them wrote
this. There is no plot. Never
will you hear more junior high-schoolish double entendres (they aren’t
good enough to rise to the level of sophomoric).
For example, Drew Barrymore’s real name is something like Helen
Zass (I don’t remember the first name, but the last was Zass).
What followed was a bunch of “jokes” about rear ends.
Thus, you will understand if I don’t worry about commenting further
on the script. This is nothing
but 105 minutes of mind-numbing violence.
This was directed?
Hollywood has a
lot to answer for in terms of showing violence without consequence.
There are motorcycle crashes where people get wiped out and walk
away. People are shot and walk
away. People fall hundreds of
feet with no injuries. People
are hit with devastating karate kicks and chops and pop up, unscathed.
They walk through fire, unburned.
This is nothing more than a video game with breasts (none of which we
see, although Liu wears a gown cut down to her naval in the closing scene;
alas, we still don’t see anything). The
opening sequence is copied from the spectacular, special effects-driven,
James Bond openings (James had a good start with Dr. No, From Russia With
Love, and Goldfinger, then started the descent into special effects-driven
drivel). The opening of
Charlie’s Angel’s is utterly absurd.
watching this on a different level. Maybe
this is a satire. Maybe the
movie has a point, that violence is…what?
This movie has no point.
Let’s go further.
This movie is racist. Bernie
Mac is as foolish as Stepnfechit, his teeth so white you need sunglasses to
look at him. His character is a bumbling caricature.
Critics complain about Amos ‘n Andy (criticism without merit, I
claim), where the characters were middle class business people.
Why not this?
Believe it or not,
John Cleese has a role in this. Cleese
is one of the great comedic talents of the age.
What’s he doing here? His
appearance in this rubbish desecrates his genius.
I’ve gone on too
long about this piece of dreck. You’re
warned. See this at your peril.
June 27, 2003